From the eye of a leprechaun...

4Sept2011 being 2gether for gettin 2gether

2011-10-26T05:46:00.001Z

As the 10:30 deadline came closer so did the heart beats beating faster and louder. Me and Lalit were hoping we might at least get an entry to the gate of once closed doors for us .. the Mystic Narmada collage of science and commerce as we knew , navigating the traffic at the not so historic Zadeshwar chowkdi was more than dilemma as there was some sort of navigational diversion to avoid traffic, we slowly crossed the crossroads , In life many a friends were a good friends at collage but as the time and space got drifted I found unusual longing to be back in the shades of the mighty banyan tree which was once upon a time the resting place of the young and restless. As the collage road took turns so did the journey called life many succeeded many got promoted some even brought out swanky houses and yet there was this little piece missing in their hearts a person who knew them in the adolescences age and yet is the very good protector of the secrets and untold stories and old collage friend.

The simple tardy gates of the collage is now graced on by HUGE side facade made out of typical un finished bricks exposing the roots and the branches of the mighty banyan tree. Then it happen a sudden rush of adrenaline in the body the familiar space which now some what over crowded with fake pavements and parking lots. A rather stern looking watchman had replaced the friendly monkey who used to sit atop the gate and wave frantically to get a small bit on the food or the cigarettes that we used to smoke. The GTG has begun and so did the rush of blood to the head making each thing look evenly easily.

An gentle twitch on the accelerator and an friendly wave to the stunned watchman the Bullet took an lunge to the end of the road, sadly the canteen was shifted off to the end of the road. Lalit quietly pointed out the CCTV cameras which had replaced the over smart peons who were always in look for some easy bucks with the strangers and confession of old I-cards. As the bike roared irrespective of the openness of the road few familiar faces were seen sitting in the canteen under the asbestos shed, I personally preferred the banyan tree rather , but had it been my way ;) !!!

Rustam was waving frantically as if he was getting sucked down in titanic. I simply smiled the GTG is in full strength. An bear hug just initiated the biggest fest in my life after the admission to the Collage till date. Slowly the gathering got bigger with cute kids angry kids and yeah photogenic ones too it was awesome to see ver 1.0 of many of the parents and yeah there was a usual corner of the singleton too ..there were people travelling form Mumbai/Mehsana etc etc just to get at GTG.

Many things might have changed but like Tabrej said Sashi Bhai’s samosa’s Chutney had never changed its still red and still holds the same taste as if it tasted 10+ years back .. the otherwise over stuffed cola bottles in the refrigerators are now replaced with healthy drinks .. so there was a round of samosa’s with green fried chilly and yeah the burger were also on the top of the menu so was the frooti . No one remember how much we drank and ate because the time had stood still the occasional pushing and laughter and friendly pats slowly started to emerge form the hiding in the closet and at one point like a wave of nirvana it took the hold of every one. People make trips to the vintage chemistry lab and the classroom for the occasional photographic flashes and giggle with the spouse.

The time rolled on but the gathering continued until the hunger pang took onto us... it was 15:30 by the time .. the old lali tandoor at the chowkdi was closed being Sunday and so was it secondary branch at the opposite INOX location, so an quick huddle to the Hotel Nyaymandir was initiated. It was an strange sight for not so people friendly bharuch PRAJA to see so much crowd of people acting as kids at the food tables .. but hell yeah who cared ??

The lunch / food intake took an hour more thanks to the waiters serving at sloth speed. Funny it may sound but still we friends pool in money [touch wood] that should never change ever seems so old friendish stuff and simply cool …

And there it was I could see in everyone eyes the time to depart. The time had played its game and by the mercy of time to steal such precious time in life for such wonderful occasion. Quick exchange of visiting cards and inquiring about the absentees it was time to say farewell. For once the GTG was successful so was the intention of the occasion “being together for getting together”

I love u all my friends

Spiro-de-noxious

p.s there was an attendance paper circulated / some still smoke / some are too busy to show up /

Return to the solaces of the silent valley

2011-05-15T11:01:00.001Z

As the night lights of the crossing vehicles dampens the already sleepless drivers erupts into a small curse ..The faithful Honda City is cruising at 100Kmph. Occasional roar of the road is defending as the tarmac gives away to patches of the road. The solitude lights of the car is occasionally challenged by the Trucks and Buses which are predominant on the roads after 01:00Am we are on the way returning from the wedding of an mutual friend.. For nearly 72 hours now the occupants of the Car are more than friends, call it a mutual adaptation the friendship was a bit artificial as the car cruises on

Destination Anjar was more than what we had all expected. After a prospect driver ducked out at the last moment we were with a single driver for the whole trip. At night driving with the pesky tour operated Hooligan buses and the occasional highway cruisers everyone was on a mad rush to the Marriages on the auspicious day. The dead line was of 6th May 2011 like a small army of ants everyone played their parts pre marriage arrangements. While I was busy observing the changes in the driving pattern and being the wingman of the ride had to stay awake and respond to whatever the situation suggested. Sleep depreciation has started to play havoc on all and sudden urge for the same had erupted too thanks to the snoring support of the passengers of our car. We had to be very strong, as we needed to kill the urge to sleep at such a cozy environment.

Anjar Had changed and also yet maintained its customs and traditions it seems like an advertisement model flaunting long legs and protruding features as it is delight to be there, being on the Best man’s duty we had to be very sure of what the world had suggested STAY Awake.
The marriage function was co supported by the gusty winds reminding us that nature has its upper hands on the whole occasion while some of us were dancing merrily all over the place.

The whole trip was an vagabonds delight an oasis in the middle of the serine yet torrid climatic conditions.

Return to past

2011-01-03T16:45:00.002Z

Sitting alone in silence
Pondering present, future and past
Drifting along as a silent stream
Of memories flowing past
Quietly they come, floating back
Dreams once forgotten
Come flooding back to leave
The dreamer down-trodden
Shards of the heart
Piece deep into the soul
Memories return afresh from
Days once thought old
Returning laughter mixing
With cries of pain.
Memories return reminding ...
In us, the past shall remain.
---------------------------------

The silence screams
when the truth is spoken
and it hurts more than
You could ever know
Dead end signals
that I ignore
to hurt myself a little more
when I feel pain
I know I'm real
spinning on this endless wheel
quite confused
and running wild
Testing myself
once in a while
pulling in a chosen few
who are lost
and hurting too

----------------

Grant me the courage to walk away from you,
With no regrets, no tears...
How can I ever say how I feel?

Love defined is not enough to describe,
But to let you know is too much of a risk...
One I am not prepared to take.

So every time I see you, I watch you walk away,
Anxiously looking forward to seeing you again,
Always dreading the parting of ways,
And the longing for you just goes on.

May this cycle never be broken,
Because it brings me to you.
Grant me the strength to say
Yet another goodbye.

----------------

The Soothing Feeling
Of Razor Sharp Pain
Making Its Way Across My Arm
Taking Away The Pain
Letting It Flow Out
And Never Coming Back
But If It's Not Coming Back
Then Why Are There Scars?
For Reminders Of How My Life Is
Of How My Life Was Spent
Bringing Back Life Long Memories
Making Me Remember Everything
Then The Cycle Begins
I Rage To Find That Razor Blade
And Slash Open My Arms
Letting The Pain Go
Leaning Scars
Bringing Back Memories
And The Cycle Returns...

A pilgrimage to the inner-self in the wilderness of absolute void

2010-09-11T07:54:00.001Z

For those who know me I am really simple as the shortest distance between point A-B while those who don’t know I am just the same but have gazillion stops in the time travel from point A-B.

When the days goes by now I wonder what I am like, I mean what exactly is happening around has seriously brought the thinking caps out of the sketchy stacked basements. There were many instance in life which I am no longer indulging into, I don’t know what I am becoming , a more than a groomed lab rat or the chimp that climbs and opens trap doors just for the banana offered to it.

I miss my early freedom the party animal in me seem to be too high to wake up and the imaginative creatures around me seems as if hidden under the rocks and stones laying around as if the world is nothing more than a clearly orchestral play where in now the part which hates the most is playing .. i.e the intermission.

I am no longer pulled towards the fancy of a friend nor am I interested in the smelling the roses that bloom . Heck as if someone pulled the plug on me. Now the only passion that ignites me Is the pull toward the knowledge, the astronomy bug has just bitten hard and so is the work is my living attitude. Where else do u see a person who want to go to office even if there is an holiday.

I need to get a clear view beyond the windshield some where someone is just calling me all the times to some distinctive land where in there is nothing just pure silence and the gist and glamor doesn’t fascinate me at all. All the times a thought of a pilgrimage to the inner self in the wilderness of absolute void reverberates . I don’t know where to go where to ask for guidance but sure that one day I will leave everything and undertake the greatest journey of my life towards myself.

Hard unwinding roads are something that I miss a bit, to plunge in with the ATB and swing with the protruding make shift launch pads and launch myself in the company of the wind where in the gravity is just another term of the lexicography . Somehow my bike has got some stupid allergy with the rain and seems to blew fuses too often as if they grew like moss.

I miss my self indeed

Freak-en-stine

2010-08-17T16:45:00.002Z

Life was so simple until now, I had some really good poems flowing, a novel in my head and partially on paper and some exciting development in my life front but suddenly a writers block!!!!
why ?

The answer is simple I am getting distracted, It had been say 6 years when I had some really good friend .. Those whom I can relate to, those who knew me like they knew themselves, So one fine day there it was a knock on my sms in-box a stranger but known person, Initial reaction was just a passe to the things and the messages but steadily there was more form the person, a sort of possessiveness, then started the sms rains, unstoppable and really irritating asking what I am doing what was the day like and all, I was really pissed with the situation where in I hate the instance when someone monitors my habits and my likes and dislikes. Heights is I am compelled to write a poem for the person ! (hahahah come on get a life )

Just like what I am I tried to fend the things into different direction so as to fade off this distracting person, but alas I was getting much more crooked in to the hatching plot, I lost my coolness which was something that I never lost in the past but this time it was like hell and started avoiding the person but no chance there it was morning afternoon evening every time it was calls or either msg’s. I hated this type of unwanted attention.

Habituated of sleeping past 11pm I was always glued to the television, but there too the person was bugging me all the time with the inquiry about what I was watching on the television as if the person was trying to get control over me.

Initially I avoided the messages but later I was compelled to reply otherwise there was like a stream of following messages with some stupid inquiry about life and lamenting of the broken heart type.

I myself had gone through such patchy phases in the life and had lamented it on my blog but I never given any one any headaches about it. I hope that this person regains their own self control as Its quite irritating to explain someone their problem . Oh come one who am I to explain, also I hope that some one explains the person with the definition annoyance with a big stalking in the middle

My clear message To the person “ Get Lost and leave me alone and get a life ” Freak

life was beautiful and so was the era we lived in!

2010-06-29T04:08:00.000Z

It all begun with a phone call .. 10-12 years ago some kids with an rage for comic books and sticker collection used to attend a school, school which was more than an educational benchmark for them it was their home an resort to bring out the voices shattering in their small but mischievous head of theirs

As the time line glides back to the era where in the short pants we fancy and the locally made 50ps Pepsi-cola was a hit, I wonder how fad was the time. Make shift cricket stumps made from the poor protector of the trees, dodge balls were made from the small pebbles wrapped metrically by winding plastics and the strings around them, and when necessities was mother of invention we made some stupid game of throwing up discarded plastic wrappers with thin micron to the air with an lateral support of an carefully selected stone for the punch. Things off the play ground was even more interesting comic books were like the price possession of some and the whole class use to hog on the book when the recess bell rang , so was the strict groupies among the Tiffin bearers. Gals and boys were too friendly. The PE class was the most interesting of the subject where in the grunt of the young and restless just jumped into the field with full valor and so was “ my class my team” spirit.
Rainy season brought out the different types of entertainment where the poor dragonfly was the trapped and then left loose to see whose dragon flew the highest, now I see where the Harry potter matches came from. The bulletin board was the only place available where in the creative and geeks personal bring out their talents and skills. The Payers and the pledges line was more than just a line it was a supremacy league where in every one had their self proclaimed standings and where too possessive about them. The roll call was just a mere formality as the students knew who was absent when the prayer line length could easily dictate the person’s name! there was no such thing as money and status in the group all it matters was the shape & image shifting measuring scales and the most number of stickers with a person. There was nothing more than a bully in the class the only resort for any problems unless he/she is the main problem.

Things flew by as the voice on the other side of the call cracked and recalled me with my original name I swiftly came back to the present age where in the things has changed drastically now it’s a hell out here where in the innocence is mistaken as the cowardliness and the crowd is an place not to be with . being invited by the person to his marriage reception ceremony was more than a time travel to the place where we all beg to stay forever.

At the reception when I saw the person on the stage I still remember how he looked on years back how he and some others pulled trick on people, how we lived actually. The social formality was just an juggernaut for us as we were all wind-winds tamed in the mere confinement of the present scenario.

Met some other school friends some very close to me some we cherished and when I let loose my younger self hidden in it I actually saw many of them opening up to the past the face says it all we all were at free will again
2200hrs and it was time to disappear to the present scenario, as I cranked my 350 bull I wondered and smiled .. life was beautiful and so was the era we lived in!

Epilogue

2010-06-06T07:23:00.000Z

I was falling over distrust and sorrow,
Drowning in a sea of loneliness and pain,
Till she came to me, took my hand,
Helped me though, and pulled me onto dry land.
She taught me to love, taught me trust
As she showed me who she was.

She changed my life and opened my heart,
When she promised to never leave me,
Love me forever.
This love we shared was incredible and new,
Something I'd been searching for all my life,
Something I finally found in her.

She promised a love never ending,
a future bright and happy,
Where everything would work out,
Because we were together.
I trusted her,
Like no other.
For the first time complete and true.
For the first time, I truly loved someone,
Her.

She pulled me up from where I lay,
And brought me into her arms, her life, her heart,
Held me close,
Whispered, "I'll never let you go."
Till death snatched her from me,
Leaving me with only memories,
Of the way thing used to be.

Get better soon

2010-06-06T07:18:00.000Z

I long for your sweet touch
I miss you so much

I want to hold you
And tell you everything will be ok
I can't now, but someday I will
I hate to see you like this
It makes me wish I was the one who was ill

I love you so much it hurts
Everything I do reminds me of you
I see your beautiful face all over this place
I have the image of you in my head
It's there when I go to bed
And when I wake to the sun in my face,
It's still there

I wish I could be with you now
I never thought I could fall this much
In love with someone
But I did

Every time I see you
It feels like I'm falling all over again
You take my breath away
Everything will be ok
You’ll get better soon

Brahm Kamal ::Epiphyllum oxypetalum (Dutchman's Pipe)

2010-03-10T09:29:00.005Z

I Have this Plant growing in my front ally and guess what it blooms like 12-25 times a month and a huge crowd puller following are the details of the plant and the flower

Epiphyllum oxypetalum (Dutchman's Pipe) is a species of cactus and one of the most cultivated species in the genus. It is also referred to as Night blooming Cereus and often confused with species of Selenicereus.

History
This species was originally described from cultivated material and its true place of origin has never been truly understood. In 1909, C. A. Purpus collected a slightly different type in St. Ana, Orizaba, Mexico. It has carmine red outer petals and the flowers have an unpleasant smell, rather than being fragrant. It was originally named Phyllocactus purpusii, but does probably not deserve any botanical recognition. The Chinese idiom 曇花一現 (tan hua yi xian) uses this flower (tan-hua; 曇花) to describe someone who has an impressive but very brief moment of glory, like a "flash in a pan", since the flower can take a year to bloom and only blooms over a single night. Therefore someone described as "曇花一現" is generally understood to be a person who shows off or unexpectedly gains some achievement and is thought to be an exception or only lucky.

Origin and habitat
Mexico to Venezuela, as well as Brazil. It also can be found, cultivated in parts of America with warmer temperature such as California. Epiphytic or lithophytic. 75-2.000 m alt. Widely cultivated and escaped in many places and its true origin has never been fully understood. Linked to the Legend of "BAKAWALI" in most S.E. Asian countries.

Cultivation
An easily cultivated, fast growing epiphyte. It needs compost containing plenty of humus and sufficient moisture in summer. It should not be kept under 10°C (50°F) in winter. It can be grown in semi-shade or full sun. Extra light in the early spring will stimulate budding. It flowers in late spring or early summer; large specimens can produce several crops of flowers in a season. This is the most commonly grown of the Epiphyllum species, and it is known under several common names including Night-blooming Cereus, Dutchman's Pipe, Queen of the Night and කඩුපුල් (Kadupul in Sinhala).

Description
Stems erect, ascending, scandent or sprawling, profusely branched, primary stems terete, to 2-6 m long, flattened laterally, ligneous at base, secondary stems flat, elliptic-acuminate, to 30 cm x 10-12 cm, thin; margins shallowly to deeply crenate and ± undulate. Flowers produced from flattened portions, to 30 cm long, 12-17 cm wide, nocturnal, very fragrant. The principal odor component in the aroma is benzyl salicylate; pericarpel nude, slightly angled, green, bracteoles short; receptacle 13-20 cm long, 1 cm thick, brownish, arching, bracteoles narrow, ca 10 mm long; outer tepals linear, acute, 8-10 cm long reddish to amber; inner tepals oblanceolate to oblong, acuminate, to 8-10 cm long and 2,5 cm wide, whitish; stamens greenish white or white, slender and weak; style greenish white or white, 4 mm thick, as long as inner tepals, lobes many, pale yellow or white. Fruit oblong, 12 x 8 cm, purplish red, angled.

Venture

2010-01-08T10:23:00.000Z

Kolkata

Its been a while since I had flew in an airplane to unleash the immerse admiration for the metal bird , the childish delight drags me to the sin of flying

this time the destination was kolkata a city I fell in love where in relic fuse up wit new generation it has its own pace , a romance of its own, language as sweet as honey tram lines and police adore the royal Enfield bikes with side cars a nostalgia of its own

streets an absolute delight for the taste buds spawning with innumerable number of cheap and good cheap food. You need not to be a rich guy to fiddle your taste buds and you snack on a good meal

funny to say at this part of world day breaks early around 5am and sets around 5pm making it an impossible task to handle the sudden change in working habits

shops close around 8pm where in the bars go on till 11-12 almost all bars have live music not even close to soothing the music is more into provocation of your beer guzzling habit but has its own era beware of the pesky waiters as many ask for tip even to get u a glass of water

I encountered an protest rally interestingly I was a sideway walker and didn’t know what the cause or protest was but felt tempted and walked along with the crowd of around 700 on inquiry found that it was a protest against inflation, people rather enjoying this small projects so played my small part and left for my office works

markets are like a forest where in there are multiple specified markets for an individual item, worst is the wholesale market which are the rudest market ever.

city might have been old and might be trying to burst with population even beggars are cleaned and healthy may be saint Teresa blessings are there over casting its shadows on every one thing is for sure Bengal is a must visit for any backpack traveler

Apocalyptic beliefs about 2012

2010-01-07T04:53:00.002Z

Apocalyptic beliefs about 2012
2012 is someverdana claimed to be a year of spiritual transformation (or apocalypse). Many esoteric sources interpret the completion of the thirteenth B'ak'tun cycle in the Long Count of the Maya calendar (which occurs on December 21 by the most widely held correlation) to mean there will be a major change in world order, although there is a distinct lack of evidence from the extant records of the pre-Columbian Maya civilization that they themselves considered this occurrence in 2012 would signify end of the world.

Accordingly, several eclectic authors claim that a major, world-changing event will take place in 2012:
• The 1995 book The Mayan Prophecies linked the Maya calendar with long-period sunspot cycles.
• The book 2012:Mayan Year of Destiny claims the Maya may have been instructed in their wisdom by discarnate entities from Orion and the Pleiades. Contact was maintained through shamanic rituals conducted in accordance with the movements of planets and stars.
• The 1997 book The Bible Code claims that, according to certain algorithms of the Bible code, a meteor, asteroid or comet will collide with the Earth.
• The book The Nostradamus Code speaks of a series of natural disasters caused by a comet (possibly as above) which will allow the third anti-christ to disperse his troops around the globe under the guise of aid in preperation for a nuclear war.
• The book The Orion Prophecy claims that the Earth's magnetic field will reverse.

Other prophecies and apopolyptic writings and hypotheses for this year include:
• Terence McKenna's mathematical novelty theory predicts a point of singularity in which humankind will go through a great shift in consciousness.
• The Prophecy of the Popes, attributed to Saint Malachy, speculated that Pope Benedict XVI would reign during the beginning of the tribulation of which Jesus spoke, and sometime later a future pope described in the prophecy as "Peter the Roman", the last in this prophetic list, would appear, bringing as a result the destruction of the city of Rome and the Last Judgement.
• Many new age spiritualists and philosophers ("new-agers") believe humankind will enter an age of enlightenment in 2012. There are a range of varying, generally positive, beliefs shared by a subset of spiritualists from the mundane to exceptional -- including a positive social shift and age of peace, mankind becoming psychic and connected by a collective, and/or an evolution of the human race into non-corporeal beings made of "spiritual" energy, or light energy. An alternative view is that we are already thought-forms (see also idealism) and will be realizing our true selves in this year.
• Some alien-enthusiasts, along with some new-agers, believe 2012 to correspond approximately with the return of alien "watchers" or "caretakers" who might have helped the first human civilizations with developing their technology and may have been waiting for us to reach a higher level of technological and/or social advancement. Beliefs range from the extra-terrestrials having benevolent purposes -- such as to help human society evolve -- to malevolent purposes -- such as enslavement of mankind and/or manipulation.
• The ascetic Buddhist monk Ram Bahadur Bomjon reportedly told his followers that he will return around 2012.
• Some proponents of a peak oil catastrophe place major events in 2012. Richard C. Duncan's book The Peak of World Oil Production and the Road To The Olduvai Gorge claims that the Olduvai cliff will begin and permanent blackouts will occur worldwide. Several studies predict a peak in oil production in or around 2012.
source
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Copyrights
Armageddon Online

My predictions

I suppose you are still here the above terms written in the powerful ancient texts, scrolls and books of mass follower, what I think is as below

There would be indeed an alienated entry into the world of knowledge and a black hole will be created into the vast knowledge base know as internet, seems awkward but think about it if there happens to be a some sort of a energy sucking field which sucks all the information of the world and leaves noting until itself.

A creature that can think and has the power to annihilate any type of firewalls and able to penetrate all the networks of any dimension or types , your cell phones to the aircrafts and military information goes for the toss as it all gets suspended due to non-connectivity. Havoc may arise and ultimately will leave man off the hooks of the connectivity and the addiction to the technology, as today most of us are storing information that is not required to us and are irrelevant in all manners and formats, take for e.g. Many of the readers might have at least 1.2Gb’s of songs in their pcs which rarely any one listens at one or for matter of facts many don’t play some till the last. A simple cell phone has now a storage capacity of 32mb to GB’s where in we don’t use the memory and just hoard the stuff around. We no longer know any telephone numbers all fumble to their cellphones /organizers for the details; in turn we are going addicted to the technology in such a term that one day if any thing goes off we might turn out to be hysteric than ever.

If you connect my predication to the prophecies and apopolyptic writings and hypotheses you might see how close I am connecting the dots. May be some one of you might respond and comment while other just click away but this is what I saw in a dream of mine, simply getting addicted is not the option its just a excuse.

Regards
Spironox

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T06:38:00.003Z

You're my world
The shelter from the rain
You're the pills
That take away my pain
You’re the light
That helps me find my way
You’re the words
When I have nothing to say

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

You're the fire
That warms me when I'm cold
You're the hand I have to hold
As I grow old
You're the shore
When I am lost at sea
You're the only thing
That I like about me

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you

How long has it been
Since this storyline began
And I hope it never ends
And goes like this forever

In this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
Tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

lyrics of song Staind : - Tangled up In you

Each words are like pearls woven on the strings of emotions and truth ..wished had some one to sing to

A Frog under the rock

2009-11-10T14:57:00.000Z

Anguish is what I initially felt over myself as I deepened my self in to the thoughts of the past

I missed all my things which I had cherished all the times, at instances even the mere existence was threatened to be erased by almighty. There was an instance in life when I was always on the cloud #9 but sure it was a fairy tale time, a time when even the afterglow was an inspiration for the day. The sun smiled on me as if I was radiating with energy . I was happy once in my life where in the world around I was also alive, life was splendid.

With a fear and a dismounted soul I wandered in to the abyss of despair as I left my world of totality in my search of myself. There was utter remorse as each and every instance of life as I was addicted to her. Wasn’t easy, took time to sink into the real me to gain back the control. A fairy tale world when shatters then reality is even less forgiving.

Tears of blood were subsided with revenge to get back to normal and so was the longing replaced with utter love to the other activities which could be a way of living, too long the story was told until the day that it was no longer the pain of the heart to be heard. Things changed at my front and so was the hope that it changed in her heart and soul too.

Friends became the greatest enemies of my life, as I was too far form them when I was with her and this in turn made me a really crude person blaming every one for my situation and my plight. Actually I had no one to return to as initially I had told her that this is going to be a lone option for me and my life and future. The mere mentioning of her name had always propelled me back into a time.

Some thing in the dark still haunts me, the mere appearance of an familiar luring in dark lurking at me with the same intense which I dislike now, I never went back to the roots to trace her out with meanwhile some thing got wrong with my imagination, as if some part of brain didn’t get any blood and thoughts suddenly went dormant and rejecting all the pleasures and happiness. It was nothing more than the rock on which once grew ferns.

Depression was not an option but was sure overwhelming, things went darker locked inside still in the small closet inside me lays the same old master of ceremonies imprisoned against the will but surrendered. Some times my pals call me with the details of her where-about the prisoner leaps with pleasure, but the reality suppresses the words before it reaches the brain. Some how I forgive her for all that she did was intentionally/ un-intentionally was pure to the last drop to me even thought it might had been a plot, I started to forgive people ,deeds , actions and words spoken intentionally or unintentionally projected towards me . I started to evolve.

Many people advocated that life should be moved on , but later in some cross road of life the same people get surrounded by the tiny memories and the longing of some one which sure bends them to the limit of breakage. The thin line between insanity and the reality is sure based on the fire of imagination the more it glows the better for some.

Waiting for the rains…

A Frog under the rock

Is it Love Actually !!

2009-09-01T11:57:00.002Z

You've Left Quickly, And Didn't Say Goodbye
Love Makes Me Worry About That
Not To Laugh In This Room

It Is Raining, And The Wind Is Coming Over There
Hope You Forgive The Things I Said

I Have Your Picture In My Mind
We Were Laughing Together
You're My Sunshine
Why Don't You Come Back?

I Can Hear My Heart Speaking, Lonely
Do You Know I Can Give My Heart To You?
Not To Mean In My Life, If You Don't Believe Me
The Wind Makes My Life So Cold

The Sky Is Black If I Don't Have You
A Thousand Stars And A Moon
Remember You Every Night
I Want To Say To You
My Heart Belongs To You
------------------------------------------------

In The Rain I Stood Thinking;
Thinking About My Future
And Remembering My Past.

In The Rain I Thought Of
So Many I Considered Closest To Me;
But They Turned On A Dime And Sold Me So Easily,
So Easily.

My Heart Was Broken Many Times.
And Still I Remember Pieces From My Heart Scattering
Like Golden Petals Everywhere.
I Took A Glance Back And Remembered My Past;
And Time Stood Still Because Of You.

You Showed Me What Love Felt Like;
And Yet You Still Left My Heart.
My Heart...Full Of Tears And Pain.

If You Return I Will Still Be Standing Here
Looking For The Strength In Me;
The Strength To Live,
To Break Away,
To Stop Loving You...
To Fly.

----------------------------------

The Nights We Spent Under The Stars,
Promises Made From The Heart,
3 Words Uttered From You,
Carved In Stone On My Heart,
And I Still Don’t Understand Why We’re Apart.
I Fell In Love So Fast,
And You Broke My Heart Even Quicker,
All Your Games, All Your Lies,
I Thought What We Had Was Thicker...
Than Water And Blood,
You Told Me I Was Who You Loved,
You Lied... I Cried...

Who Do I Have Now In Which To Confide?
You Were My Everything,
And I’d Still Do Anything To Have You Here,
Just To Hear You Breath,
Oh, Why Did You Leave Me Drowning In Tears?
What Did I Ever Do To You,
Besides Love You, And Hold You,
And Listen When Life Was Being Cruel,
And You Repaid Me With Lies...
Used Me, Loosed Me, And Played Me Like A Fool.

How Can One Be So Cold,
And Without A Care, Hurt Someone So Deep?
Is It Really That Hard To Be Honest?
Why Didn’t You Tell Me Straight?
When You Knew It Was You I Needed For Keeps.
Some Say I’m Stupid, For Loving Someone Who Never Loved Me Back,
But It Doesn’t Change The Way I Feel,
And No Matter What Anyone Says,
I’ll Never Let You Go, And That’s A Fact.
I Steadily Wonder, If We’ll Ever Cross Paths Again,
I Already Know If We Did, The Same Thing Would Happen,
I’ll Be Alone And In Need Of You...My Love...My Friend.
So Much Time Has Gone By,
And My Heart Still Hasn’t Healed,
Cause I Still Can’t Get Over The Way You Made Me Feel.

I Never Knew A Love So Strong,
And Never Knew Someone Who Made Me Feel So Blue,
I’ll Never Stop Crying Until I Have You Back,
I’ve Tried And Tried, But I’ll Never Get Over You...

------------------------------

A Boulevard of a broken heart

2009-08-01T09:38:00.003Z

You came into my life at a time i really needed someone.
You filled my days with laughter and fun!
Then things suddenly changed,
With us being more than just normal friends.
Just when i thought we were going to last...

Over the sky came a thunder cast!
With our relationship on the rocks,
Breaking up our precious heart locks.
Tears started to fill our eyes...

Needing to know and asking why?
Scenes and scenes replayed in my minds,
Lots and lots of different kinds!
One afternoon came the heart breaking scene.
That day i thought u were nasty and mean!
All night, i could not sleep.
All i could do was weep!
Once we were a team... !

Not far apart now, 'cos we're still friends!
All i could do was wait for the day...
When you say you want me back and love me in every single way!

Refreshing days

2009-06-28T08:28:00.002Z

June 27th 2009
Its often speculated that when life is at its peak we loose a track of the day to day habits of ours. Same happened to me where in I lost track of my blog. Busy month in deed there was nothing in the between my determination and hard work which yielded a good return in my progress at office
I can’t smell the roses anymore which I surely miss but the whole gang of cats had pulled our tricks on me at very frequent intervals, now the count is at 6 with a momma cat and her 5 kittens of the second generation and one older generation of male bad ass cats. The entire problem started once they got know about of the surroundings.
They are so fine tuned that when me or my dad arrives at the parking of my building they would all line up as if trying to greet us welcome but hidden is there greed for some food and milk for which a pint of milk is what they all require and then starts the wrestling which always gets you to your wit ends. The household curtains are there play ground and the dangling strings their practice ground, occasional peeking into the fish tank is their favorite pass time. Just like a gang of meercats they usually have the two rear paw stand at the fish tank and eagerly waiting for a fish to come up yet unfruitful, arriving at morning 5:00 these mischief kings do play havoc with my mom’s plantations of shrubs and flowers but she never minds.
As the day ends to the night every one in the family enjoys the evening fight shows of their with innocent looking bites and scratches to the belly and face these cats have surely won our hearts and has indeed given us a reason to smile in the otherwise recession hit market !
Dogs are the man’s best friend but cats do make a great jokers of all times provided they are young :)

Indigo My First Love

2009-05-20T03:56:00.002Z

20 May 2006
As I embarked a journey to the Kutchh for the visit to a student's place of mine for teaching the 100% natural dyeing process of indigo which would be self sustainable , I was unsure of what I was going to I mean this was my first project and all that I had was a video-graphic evidence of making the indigo vat. Only thing I had was determination and a bag full of hard worked notes on the same.
As the train chugged into the Bhuj station I was petrified at the end of wits, it seemed so barren that I couldn’t imagine, a handful of people along with the military personal scrambling for the relatives at arrival was the only thing I could find , slowly I made calls to the person who was suppose to pick me up.
3 hours later I was at the Hand loom Design Center , Bhujodi. And three days later I was drenched in the first vat of indigo of the three pilot lot gleaming with smiles and a eagerly waiting eyes of the people to get a glimpse of the magical color of life . I endorse the color to my roots because it alive in the form and the moment u put your hands into the vat u can actually feel the color drenching your.
Kutch had a good history of making good indigo in the past many manuscript which I came across while meeting many older generation had such a vivid description of the ways of making it here. Post the earth quake there were many where this was a sustainable way of making color and a mode of earning Mine way was a repetition of the older way with addition of my own to analyze and benchmarking the system . all that I gave and take from them was just 3 times meal and good healthy laugh over petty things
Even today as I remember the incident I am overwhelmed with the support extended by HDC Bhujodi its was like reincarnation of their forgotten skill for ages
2006-7 the vat worked but slowly deteriorated as there was very few cares taken to sustain and finally it perished to the roots
I left the industry way back in 2007 but still I get goose bumps to make a new project this time more capacity and a self sustainable method as the results and reports that I had with me in my head is worth more than that found in the library regarding Indigo
After all its my first love and shall be the same … looking forward to get some more 3 times meals and a life which I would always miss ..

its poems!

2009-03-31T15:02:00.002Z

Hmm today I was like high on energy after the office ..so here are some of the poems which in formation of words where flying around for long time in my head no specific genre just free-bloodlines.

Oh, how you rhyme and time
The notes of my affection
Making my damaged wings
Spread once again
And fly to a new height
That I've never been to
But have seen in my nightly dreams

Oh, you Princess of Ecstasy
Guide me to your land
Never to return to the undertow
Where love is tears
And happiness is fear
Your love is my high
So let me dwell within your world
------------------------------------

Inside this body lies a broken soul.
No self-esteem for who he is.
Too set on pleasure to realize pain.
Too focused on pleasing, and less on leaving.

Enough, that's what he hears inside,
But more confused about what to choose.
His heart or his mind?
Her love or the times?

But what about himself?
When was the last time he thought about self.
He deserves so much better, the finer things in life,
But his mind's more set on being her as his wife.

He's never been a quitter when it comes to love.
Looking for an easy way out, but always falling short.
Too blind from reality, he fights for love.
Change or no change, he won't give in.
-------------------------------------

Crying out to a silent sound
not understanding, people hurting
and me starring in silence,
borken and torn

Laughing at me, my broken
heart on the floor
and all you do is laugh and
scatter the pieces

I can't tear you from my
mind

You looked into my eyes today,
Pretend love and torture my soul
You made me think I had a chance
you know how much I care for you,
how much I love you

But, if you don't stop and
leave me alone,
I'll go crazy knowing
you are so close
yet, I can not reach you
------------------------

Hell is where I am.
There seems to be no way out.
I am forced to be here.
Forced to conform to society,
be with people I hate.
I dread waking from slumber.
My dreams are the only thing real,
the only thing besides pain.
Every night I fall asleep,
and then wake to the same pain.
I feel imprisoned and alone.
I need a way out!
The only way to make me happy
is to sleep forever.
---------------------------

Life is full of dreams and hopes,
Fears and hate and sadness.
Death and guilt and happiness,
Lust and aspirations.
These things come upon you,
Day to day,
Minute to minute,
Second to ever longing second.
Each of these can approach you,
At the blinding speed of light.
And some can leave you just as quick,
But some leave you very slowly.
Then there are those,
That stay lodged in your heart forever.

Now when one of these gets to you,
You can handle it very easy.
When two or three jump on board,
Then things get a little harder.
When all of these attach themselves,
Deep within your heart.
They rip apart your mind and soul,
And can get pretty nasty.
When all of these attack you,
In small little chunks.
Things look nasty at first,
But things can improve.

It is when all of these attack you,
With giant-like strength,
That is when things go wrong.
These tremendous forces of might,
Pull at your every seam.
You can either be torn apart,
Or sucked up deep inside.
Either way things go very wrong.

When these forces pull at you,
Ripping you seam from seam.
You explode outwards into life,
And the damage done is something,
Most people would be sick to see.
And when these forces suck you in,
You slowly wither away.
You pull yourself out of life,
And lock yourself away.
These forces eat away at you,
Your heart, mind and soul.
Eventually you can’t take it anymore,
The pain you feel is to great.
You want to stop all the hurt,
So you take your own life away.

But are these the only ways,
To escape from all the pains?
Or can these things be used,
In other useful ways?
Instead of exploding outwards,
And causing something harm.
Can this forceful energy,
Be used for something good,
Like take out all that energy,
Upon a block of wood.
Use that focused energy,
To practice something hard.

And for those who are the other way,
That keep it all inside.
Don’t let it eat you up inside,
Just go ahead and cry.
Find another person,
Who is caring and so sweet.
To listen to your problem,
Help you back upon your feet.
Just let someone know,
Exactly how you feel.
Let out all that built up pressure,
Just let it float away.

You probably want to know,
Just how I came to this.
How I came to realize,
The way to get over this.
Well I learned from experience,
An experience I hope didn’t come too late.
I fight upon my own battle grounds,
I fight a battle to save the one and only true me.
--------------------------------------------------

I can't take the pain
It's too much too bare
I don't want to hurt you or me anymore

I thought you would always love me
but that's something you wouldn't dare do
Nothing in this world makes sense
except for the fact that I love you

I may be young, but I know what love is
you made me feel things
I never thought I could

whenever you were near
my sadness would turn to happiness
I never feared anything
while I was near you

But now you see that you don't love me
and it kills to hear those words
from the only one I've ever loved

So now I will put an end to it all
No more lies
no more love
no more tears
no more you
I can't believe what I'm about to do
but, hey, what can I do
...I fell in love too soon

please send feedbacks

Its all because of you

2009-02-14T14:40:00.003Z

The Outcry of the child in me...

An empty vase standing on a sill,
not moving, ever so still and lifeless,
alone on the big brown shelf,
waiting for someone to rescue it.

A colorful shell lying on a beach,
so small and away from reach,
on the vast white sands,
secluded from all the other shells.

The need to be loved by someone,
the need to be happy and share again,
to fill the vase with flowers once more,
and to bring it back to life again.....

--------------------------------------------


I see we meet here... once again
Seems we're never far apart
And when I have this broken heart
I can count on you, my friend


And, did you cry too
When she said that we were through
Do you stay awake at night
And do you hold your pillow tight
Do the walls come closing in


I’ve never known one like you
Who I can tell my troubles to
That I could open up my heart
I know we’re never far apart
You’ll be with me till the end

--------------------------------------
Its because of you !!


you know those tears sliding down my face
yeah, yours should be falling in their place
the reason is You- you're why i always cry
and nobody will ever explain to me, "why?"

why do memories of you become so real?
why is, when you're touching me the only time i feel?
how can you be the one who knows me so well?
who can tell when my smile is fake and when my life is in hell?

thoughout it all- you have been the one
that person who loves me, no matter what i've done
though, at the same time, you're the reason for my pain
the constant ache in my heart that still no one will explain

my tears, they form at the words you speak
and from my eyes they attempt to leak
if i were to smile the moment they fall
would you even notice my tears at all

with me, i think you see what you want to
never bothering to figure out what's actually true
right now my tears and smiles are whispers you can ignore
but soon they'll be screaming like they never have before!

--------------------

brown eyes

When I look into your chocolate brown eyes
I suddenly begin to realize
why I love you so.
But when I talk to you, you say, "I've gotta go."
When I touch your soft hand
I think I begin to understand,
That I will love you forever
and how I will never
forget your chocolate brown eyes.

--------------------

when i look into your warm brown eyes
i see loss and wandering
wandering from life to life
lives that you have not yet lived
and those few that you have
oh but that is not all i see
for i see remorse, sorrow, and self doubt
all things not befitting one so lovely
the eyes of a person tell many things

-----------------------

and yours tell me that i love you so

Resurface of the Leperchaun

2009-01-26T12:40:00.002Z

You walked into my life, made everything bright and better..
I fell in love with you then, not knowing whether you felt the same?
You sent me a Valentine letter with a blooming rose
And a message that was clear to me, that you felt the same.

Since then.. each time we meet, our love grows..
It's sweet and sensual.. just like a rose.
The intimacy we share is so caring and tame
Our feelings.. are so genuine for each other,
So caring... are you for me... and I for you.

We share what time we can have together,
And cherish every moment...
For, time passes by so quickly..
And then your gone.. parted again!

Watching as you drive away... my heart heavy and broken.
Tears fill my eyes..
And once again.. I'm 'lost' without you?
Not knowing which way to turn.. or what to do.

I close my eyes and think of you...
Tears seep through my eyelids and stream down my cheeks.
The memories are so warming until...
I'm awakened from my thoughts, as I move and this chair creeks...

Left staring into the computer at the words I write...
Each time you leave- I miss you more.
Left feeling once again...
LOST WITHOUT YOU..

You fill my heart with all the happiness
Your touch and kiss so special
Just to be with you makes my life complete..
You are the best gift ever..

And I will cherish and love you forever...
So many things we do together..
Sharing thoughts and feelings make it so much better...
I am so proud to be with you.
I just can't help when we are apart.. to feel Lost Without You... ****BECUASE I LOVE YOU****

--------

You left me alone
I started to play
I tried to forget you
Now there's a price to pay

I was in love with you
I still am
You said you never loved me
So it was only just pretend

Now I want to feel better
I have to forget
And in doing that
It's my innocence I forfeit

If you could just see
The things you made me do
The places I have been
While trying to forget you

----

I'll never forget the first time we met
A perfect beginning- a perfect set.
I'll never forget the way you held me tight
Especially on a cold and stormy night.

I'll never forget how you say my name
(no one could ever say it the same.)
And the way you love me- just feels so true
Like you are to me and i am to you.

And i'll never forget how you fall asleep
The memories are something i'll always keep.
I'll never forget- the ring, for me
just a reminder we are meant to be.

Ill never forget the warmth in your kiss
something, i hope, I'll never miss.
our hearts together will always fit
just you and i... I'LL NEVER FORGET

-----------

Journey of 28 years in 1,245 words

2008-10-07T17:28:00.002Z

Had you ever wonder on any birthday of yours what actually your purpose in this world means to any one or the fact that some one hates you because you screwed up their life. This is what compelled me to write this part of mine. Incident include the things undated as its either faded into the past or it may be real and may be offending someone who reads to their context

Lost in school crowd:
All the people or say at-least many would start by saying they were intelligent in the studies but I am not, I am seriously I was least bothered about the studies in books I would rather run around catch a chameleon and see how it walks than seeing it in an encyclopedia. But I always had some good friend in the form of books huge quantities of them still lays with me at my place. I was not encouraged in the class by any one not even the teachers as if I was a non existed living being, I mean students of my class use to push me around and I was always the joke bag to them. I confess that I lived in a dreamy world as my own home was not that flourished or lavishing big we had bare necessities. Till my high school I had never seen a video game and was introduced to one by one of my friend

Collage days:
When I finally breathed the collage era I was high as ever I started learning socializing and soliciting with people. I had befriended some of the good and smartens of the collage and had dedicated time to the studies but it all fall apart as I saw that thing which I was reading / learning was a huge waste of time, what is the use of learning how benzene structure can be used to make anything when in practical I couldn’t see or touch the structure of the same. Acids bases and neutral were all my friends in the lab I could out beat any one in the practical’s as I had a good term with the chemicals I had developed such a strong sense with the practicals of labs that I could make out the chemicals just by the preliminary test. God had some things in mind and made me do miserable in the written examinations’ and I screwed up big time. Simultaneously I was reading magazines and started having a great affection with the computers as if they were just a toy to me, I had never seen a dream of owning one since the school time but sure I didn’t the same once I need the urge to be satisfied, this started a romance with me and myself with computers that made me a quite a admired person in collage and around the techno-geek genre of people. I do remember how I send a Trojan to a friends pc and seen him go gasping around while he used to boast of his knowledge of unknown while I preferred not to advertise. By the way that poor guy is working with Microsoft now!

Fusion with the fashion:
One day while I was browsing for the examination result in news paper I came across a add for a fashion institute, I applied with my friend along I still remember I went there in a classic Black tee and a Jade blue jean. It was the starting of a journey that changed me and my self altogether. I was selected from group of students and then there I was in a class of some of the creative and dumbest people on the earth ( hail dumboo ) I had no regrets what all happened to me later on, I mean I had made some of the most wonderful friends while travelling and also in the institute it was like a dream and even today I wish that I could live it at-least once more. Fashion gave me sorrows at personal fronts while it promoted me as myself more than anybody, people were happy to have me around them and I was notoriously mischievous in all sense. Usually known for pranks that could spook out any body in bright day light I had some blacklisted pranks to my name and still proud of them.

Actions, reactions, catalysts and some things lost in the reaction
The day when we all were suppose to go apart there was a storm of incidents that drove us apart , I don’t know from where but surely there was a creep of greed and lust that made people do things which were never expected from someone , as if every one was into back stabbing, I was so shattered with the acts that I left for distance land for employment but there too there was the problem with a collogue that escalated to my home and she had complained that because of me she lost her job, while all the while I was only there to support and the day when I had finalized a deal for her next job she had back stabbed me. I just crossed her out of my life forever.

I fought with my Mom over a petty issue which I didn’t understand later it dawned me that I was overdone with stress and had gone through a full 72 hours of sleep deprivation that had made me shout on to her I still repent my actions and feel extremely sorry and still today didn’t get the courage to go up and tell her that I am sorry. May be she will read this some times and at least forgive me for a nano-second

I had fought with almost all of my friends till date and I had fought for one reason for my respect I had never fought for money or over any other reasons, I had fought severally with all and one fine day I just let them go and those who come back are all my best buddies ever.

I was also ditched in and out of life by some people for their own personal favors and pleasures the worst was one of my best friend who mistook me for a vagabond and a hatchment dweller. Unusually I was favoring the person with all my heart and my dedication and one fine day I was left with a wound which had temporally thrown me into uncreative paralysis. Even thought I was undergone such treatments I forgive the person as forgiving is more important. After all its me 100% idiotically insane

Jobs, Jobs and Jobs
I worked in almost as front of a carrier as one could imagine
First Job: faculty of a renowned IT school
Then it all began: worked with a logistic company, worked with a natural dye unit. worked as a designer in a export house, worked as a technical engg with a reputed IT company attending critical computer problems, Worked with a NGO at grass root analysis, Sold cooling Towers for some time, Underwent an intensive training with one of the prominent person doing Turn around Case study of a company, worked as a front desk of a Reputed firm

Regrets and condolences

I don’t regret I just repent some actions of mine should have left some scars on peoples mind and their thinking and might have helped them in some forms or another But my condolences to those who bare me after all that. As for I am with a bold lettered “ Handle with care ”

Its something!

2008-09-25T15:37:00.003Z

A year back I brought a bike a Royal Enfield standard 350 standard make 350 cc 1980 model with point magnetic ignition with 99.9% original parts and stock front tyres. This might seem like a mere way of conversation starter to some but is what makes a hardcore biker gleam. But the main reason to get this bike was to suppress my hunger pangs of a good bike a muscle bike, even though a lean boiled person my self I see the image of this vicious creature which has a presence of its own to apprehend curiosity on the road.

Even though not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I like the decent average of 35-40Kms on this thumper, the best thing is the old and rusted look which had initially made me fall head over heel for the bike but as a year passed by I think the whole concept of making this bike was really thought about by the engineers and the other people who are supposing to be behind the old and yet faithful Royal Enfield company.

The bike has no downers as such except the reverse back kick if the accelerator is over jammed while kick starting the monster, heck when you have a lion then you should be ready to bear its taunts.

It all begun in my school days when I used to drove around madly on my Atlas Gold line super bi-cycle aka hurricane, major of my classmates had their rich dad sponsored petrol guzzling monsters .At one point of my school time I had to change to new bicycle I don’t remember the brand name but I was comfy with the whole idea of a new bicycle as many had nick named my atlas the faithful as Mach1. I was speed and adventure freak as I loved to do wheelies and stoppies on my bicycle my not so good friends used to ride on their versions of transportation all while slowly time changed and with a little push to the total financial front I got a 27 Shimano Gear Hero Swing gleaming and on that ATB I had a wonderful time I took the bicycle to next level on my personal front, for the starters I started taking leaps off the small bumps to hillocks and even managed to bang into a thorny bushes but the whole idea of adventure was always there to keep me bubbling with energy. Teenage ended up for me and slowly grew the Manhood where I was still on my bicycle and people next to me were like a light year faster to me but all the while I was there with my ATB and doing weird stunts.

I still remember the day when all the people got struck in the traffic jam due to an accident while I just picked up my bicycle and lugged it to the road divider and paddled off to the horizon. Many called me a vintage tagged geek but some really appreciated my skills but slowly I had driven the first bike of my life a Splendor but didn’t like the whole easy ride of it I mean there was no sweat. Things slowly grew in me I started growing a affection to the huge CC bikes just because of the mere exhaust note I never liked the purring of the engine but the brute force of the exhaust note always attracted me, then there it was I had a Yezdi my first love to lug around and drove it like crazy till I fell in love with the real machine even I didn’t minded people overtaking me on reckless speed I just flow like a river smooth. Slowly I dreamed big finally I had word spread for a need for a RE standard (old) edition, I had a good deal and a month later I was seen flowing around on this bike. Slowly I understood what this bike actually meant It was a symbol of glory, a victory over you the feeling of freedom till last sense. Its not that easy to bike around on this monster bike the gears are vintage type and a really beautifully made from metal the huge forehead headlamps the Amp meter and a heavy road presence, makes you think twice before any one tries to put their legs around this creature. It runs on petrol and funny it runs in any conditions rain, bad-roads, winters anything in any drastic combination or a mixture doesn’t dither the sheer creature it just goes on and on. Miles churn like a peanuts and the horizon seems inviting with the sheers note of exhaust.

To be a proud owner even for a small period of time makes you attached with the bike which other bikes doesn’t make you feel like, I mean you look at the bike at any degrees and it shows what its made for simplicity at all sense a unexplained satisfaction crawls you deep . There also might be instance in day when you for a time say as short as it could be that you peep above shoulders to see if the bike is safe and soundly parked! You tend to clean and polish the bike more often than the times you bath daily and or you might go out for date on your bike rather than taking that 4 wheeled vehicle of yours.

I am a proud owner of one of such bike and wish that you too experience it once in life take a ride and see what it means to be different, to be adventurous and to be a free at last

Here without you baby

2008-05-28T14:09:00.001Z

Year: 2004

It was a unfortunate event, I was over thrown by her grace and her beauty that I quickly snatched a tissue as placed on the round stone table and scribbled a line on her praise and slowly passed it to her. May be I was mad in her beauty or may be I was too in-fluctuated to encounter this puppy love inside me made me to do the unthinkable. Other wise a normal me would have just wrote some scoot or make a way lines for any one else

She blushed less than what I had thought, somewhat I was not myself I think. She read the paper and …

Nothing I mean no reaction. any feminine character or anybody having a slightest knowledge of English would have reciprocated ..a slap or a blush or even a stare could have greeted but this was total gone case. One of my close friends made her understood what those SCRABBLE of words meant... it slowly dawned to her what I meant.

Year 2005

Torn shattered by the development I decided to make a mad rush to the geographical dislocation as told to me by my close friend “Mr. Gator”. It was harsh on me I packed all my stuffs needed and also packed all her belonging along and kept it in a trunk. As I was going through the stuff a log book popped out of the baggage, some of the most wonderful poems and detailed daily log that I had ever written for her. The only intention was to let her know what I did after we departed from each other the particular day.

Tears swell out of my eyes as I read on for one last time at the occasion

“ as the twinkling stars evade me with the winks I wonder what has been going through your mind , are you on the vicinity of the such heavenly bodies urging human race for a glance at least, or you might be busy with the dealing the house hold chores that your mother had given you to do…” cont

Her reply to the Log

“I am fine was to market and met some really nice people out there I wonder if you are there for me always. A dog was barking loudly at the evening”… cont

A true contrast of what I felt and what she meant to me! I was a bit scared for the future and on the dooms brake-off -day I was thrown upon with the same question from her side!

Year 2008

After a wild goose chase with the employment terms I was finally posted some where that I think can be a boost to my resume. I was dully ordered at home to make my living room true navigational so that my parents didn’t need a GPS to track things in it.

Slowly I cleared the room and the silver flies infested clothes and the unclaimed equipments of dire need at some times... there in the middle of this mess laid a trunk full of things that I always ran away from... slowly but with a strong sense of responsibility and strength I opened the trunk.

Out tumbled out few Keys chains, 7 neck accessories and few cards later got a small concealed packet containing a dried flower and the same tissue.

For a minute I froze, my fingers trembled as I reached out for the packet and was thinking all the times what it meant to me in those years that just went by... How much hardship I had gone through how much humiliation I went through and the dead silence of the nights...

I did the unimaginable I ripped off the paper and the rest of the things I was in a mad fit to get things out of my life as early as possible. I had gone through a hell while she was known to keep some lavishing life of her own woven around make shift jokers and clowns.

I suddenly started to feel the warmth of the sun , the song in birds chirps and the fragrance of the flowers as if I was in sort of comma and just now woke up from it

I am now normal to the last drop of life, occasional I think about some one in my life but this time it’s definitely not her!

Me with out you baby!

Novel sneak 3

2008-05-05T15:04:00.001Z

Chapter 3

Harry paces to the edge of the stairs and redials. “Come on pick up “ you insensitive freak . coward pick up the god dam phone “ angrily he stops and disconnects the phone line and tries to dash back to the ICU1 but remember to make the call to the females home he fiddles with the wallets “300Rs cash nice … 15 Rs change….VISA electron great and what’s her name …aha driving license .. Gujarat state Driving license Name … name … Elena Josephine Albert…number number”

Harry further fumbles at the wallet to see her collage Identity card .. “contact number 9825….” “ hmm nice so miss Elena..lets see what we got here ”

After making the call Harry glances at the phone clock it read 8:00pm as he walks back to the ICU1 he meets Dr. Parekh “ so Harry did u had your dinner yet ?” Harry flinches his fingers and says “ yes of course .. Dr. Parekh when can I go back home I mean I need to get some places after I reach home ”

Dr. Parekh gives a startling look at harry and replies “ As soon as you get a proxy personal to fill out you can go.. I suppose you called up the family .. where do you stay “

Harry is clearly perplexed but still maintains his coolness and recites the address as imprinted on Ellena’s driving license thanks to his flash memory.

“They are coming in short time I mean I gave them a call and they are coming soon ...Thanks Dr. Parekh” Harry escapes the from the vision of Dr. Parekh “ Harry ..you can rest inside the ICU outer chamber on that chair. “Thanks ….. Dr. Parekh , fast day for me huh ” harry flushes a false smile and slips into the room and hogs the chair and stretches his legs on the adjacent chair avoiding the eyes of Dr. Parekh

Harry sits there but there is something that doesn’t makes him sit something that comes from inside his heart.. he smiles at Elena and walks out winking at here …and walks towards the stairs grabs a good place as he sat there heads down tired .

Occasional beeps and the nurses rushing around are the only things going around, visitor’s hours are over. Harry glances at the clock of the cell phone its 8:05 time seems to be standstill. He quickly turns on the cell phone and scrolls from the recent redialed number and places a call on the number ….” Dam it don’t do that how dare to switch off the mobile you freak” he turns off the cell and relaxes.

“ yawn , come on Mr. Albert where are u come down here and get your daughter I need to hit the road now and my freaking friend is not responding “ stress shows up on harry and he goes the rude ways

“ Mr. harry .. Albert Mr. Albert….” Harry sees the face of a rather tired person and behind him he sees two females a guy and lady in mid 45’s .. “ Uhmm yeah I am harry “

“ thank you for your timely response we owe you big time “ Harry smiles back “ thanks I think now I can leave Mr. Albert ..ahh here take all her belonging that I had been en-trusted by the hospital.. Err sorry had to pose as her fiancé to get her proper medications ” Mr. Albert smiled in return.
Chapter 4

Harry gets a warm hug from every one and as he starts walking he thinks “ I have seen that lady some where … cant remember where some one really important I don’t know I will ask the freak .once I get him on call ”

As harry walks the nurse again crosses him this time she is really in mess with blood stains on here apron .. she smiles and says “ we saved a soul” harry moves out slowly he walks the stairs wondering why the hell did the freak didn’t call him back .. many questions flash across .. as he heads the main counter he sees a familiar face.

I stood there grounded near the entrance as the visitors timings were out of question and so was the shabby evening clothe which closely resembled a poor peasant had got me in trouble before too . I called up harry and he came down heavily towards me,

Novel sneak 2

2008-05-04T15:02:00.002Z

Chapter 2

Harry looks at the clock its 6:45 its barely 5 min ride to the hospital , he looks at the cell phone to see if there are any missed calls. Eagerly he paces around the hospital floor near the reception and the main entrance of the hospital. Twitching his fingers and the lips he walks towards the water cooler to get a glass of cold water to chill himself out. Suddenly he hears “Mr. harry” a female voice he turns to find a nurse waving at him furiously and some papers in her other hand .

Harry leaves the already filled glass of water there itself and walks towards here. “ We need some one of the blood relative to sing this papers are you …..” Harry froze to the held out papers heading, all that he could make out was “ declaration ” last time he signed the paper that read “declaration” was when he was standing in for a visa application for US.

“Will I be liable for anything..?”.… “None if u are the blood relative, We do this as a standard procedure “replied the nurse

Harry thinks for a second and then jolts down his name in a non eligible onto the signature pad that the nurse handed him “ relation with the patient please ”…..

“uhhhmmmm I am ….” Stumbled harry

“Oh yeah Fiancé I know those pause breaks you people get when asked about your relation ...”

“You better be here idiot ………….” Mumbled harry in his thoughts

A sudden rush of people is heard towards the main gate so is the hustle of “people like this should be banned “harry tried a vain effort to have a look at the injured but was quickly whisked away by the officials.

“Mr. Harry … I Am Dr. Parekh I need some information and need to give you something’s this way please “ Harry followed Dr. Parekh like a snake enchanted by the sudden movement in front of him . As he walks by he crosses the general ward and private wards and the doctor pacing towards the operation theater. Harry crosses his fingers and wishes “Not there god “

He tried to make a turn to the ICU 2 “Not there Mr. Harry “advised Dr. Parekh, “Thanks” harry mumbled to himself. “ she is in ICU1, stable and now under observation.. ahh here this belonged to her I guess her wallet a ring and yeah a cute little pendant ” Harry’s eyes gleamed and he thought I got her name at least. “ you can see her from here only .. Don’t try to open the doors as it not advisable and please no cell phones please switch off the phones so as for medical reasons”

“Ok I will.. Thanks I will be here only” Harry spoke rather softly as opposed to his characteristic of yelling words out, may be the hospital environment got him. “let me call her parents up”Harry said to himself as he got a bit hesitant of using the cell phone near the ICU so walked towards the end of the hall to get some isolated place to make some calls, as he walked there was the same nurse rushing into the Operation theater with a blood pack, he smiled and she reciprocated him.

Novel in making

2008-05-03T09:25:00.000Z

posted below is a exract of the story i am working on still untitled it revolves around the life of three wonderful people having their own darkest fears , and a dark background i am posting it here just for the suggestions if so any from any of the readers

regards

Ps this will be a three chapter post

-----------------
Chapter 1

Vadodara also known as Baroda , is the third most-populated city in the Indian state of Gujarat after Ahmedabad and Surat. It is one of four cities in the state with a population of over 1 million , formerly the capital city of Gaekwar State, is situated on the banks of Vishwamitri, a river whose name derived from the great saint Rishi Vishvamitra.(wikipedia)..

Its 6:30 in the evening and the traffic at the dairy den circle of Vadodara is more crowded than ever frequent hangout for the daily commuters and the goodies sold at the differnt stalls spanning all the way around to the circle , may that be a office goer or the simple plain jane all make a stop for the coffee or the spicy food court, erratic traffic violators zoom past the circle and screech brakes at the installed traffic signal. “ Here is your tea” exclaims Harry , with his eye firmly fixed on the girl who was swindling around her motorbike to make a desperate dash for the opening lane before her. I barely hold on to the glass when suddenly a heavy thud is heard , Harry suddenly vanishes and so do the other people sitting beside me all I could see was harry running violently towards the road in mad fit and more tires screeching noise is head later, Suddenly I found myself jumping into the big investigating crowd. There inside laid a lady clad in a unrecognizable veil of clothes as worn by the most of the drivers to get sun protections and the glares of pollution. Harry yells something out and I do the orders as announced by him, with in a minute a ambulance arrives and so are the others who just wanted to get a glimpse of the lady , a news lens man wades through the crowd .

All these time I am still grounded on the same spot in the ground, Harry does the talking, finally ambulance arrives and so disappears Harry and the female with him to the cross marked doors of the fateful vehicle. People are now being distracted by the police man wading around the batons to disperse the area.

A call is flashed on the cell phone , the call is from a hospital nearby “ Do you know Hari Prasad singh” the question is a fumble for me as I stammers to says “ yes, harry… is what people known him better ”, the lady on the other-side suggestively says “ can you come down to the Narhari hospital at the earliest”

Still shaken from the incident I rushed towards the hospital, a few steps far I realize that I had a bike key dangling from my Jean pocket, I just dashed on the bike give it a strong starter kick and off I was , suddenly I was on the main lane cursing at 60 with lights on and honking showing a desperate signals to get some lane clearance. Suddenly after the legendary Kala Ghoda circle the road closed up for me I tried accelerating to the max but the traffic threw the odds on me.

Narhari hospital seems not so far from the incident place but the thoughts and the constant traffics makes it a hard to reach place the traffic badly messed up, I make a violent dash to the wrong lane and takes on head on the traffic which occasionally smiles wades and frown on me in all available ways.

A NRI dreams

2008-04-29T04:57:00.000Z

Sunil is gleaming from ear to ear as he makes a false impostor like enactment of a desi American I was a bit confused. proudly he flashed out a envelop marked government of INDIA, equally amused I opened to see it contained a passport with the freakish pic of the same guy in some what in sweats I guess so I flipped the pages I saw a gleaming visa approval , as if time stopped for me , Sunil now in US this is what US needed another desi and this is what India lost a intelligent another brain drain , sunil can be redefined as master in some field I think it was some technology space aged one .

During his interaction with me for say last 10 days I came to know this guy is going to some coaching classes bunking his job opportunity in India and is a frequent visitor to the English speaking classes too , His all educational back ground was in Gujrathi so its being really stressful on him to get into the autopilot mode of English, I wonder what will he do when confronted by a Negro gentleman as I have heard that they have some native slangs used to communicate.

So following things were done by Sunil’s end
1> He actually started thinking that India is a Lame country, as his deeds depicted him to be more US friendly than ever
2> He ditched his old internet Indian friends for some gal called jenny from US as the friends from India used to chat him in Gujrathi as typed in English alphabets
3> he started to actually see some informative English magazine as useful otherwise if u ever give him one before he would say , I don’t have time for it .
4> he ditched the old GF of his hoping to get a firangi girl there and started dreaming about virginity and issues that were no where in his dictionary till today
5> his parents are more tensed than ever they had taken multiple Loans from people / banks / mortgaged their family home.
6> sunil flies in cloud number 9 he never thinks about his country that gave him the education if not proper at lest gave him some sense to the baffling 7 year old kids head
7> he started making social network id and also asking people if they had any relatives in US
8> secretly he started to drink beer and made some hitch hikes to the local booze outlet just to make sure that he can drink in Amrika …
9> started to go to multiplex and roam and roam to
10 > started talking in Hing-lish “ hello , with me have coffee a cup ” usage of the word “Yeah ” seems as if he was born with it ask him “ so sunil how are u today” answer is “yeah yeah I fine ”

On the doom day sunil goes to the airport to get the flights to US then the story ends for me ..

But wait there is more in a months time his parents are seen more gloomy than ever .. his dad asking for more financial helps form some organization, they started to make frequent visits to the temples .. so I thought something was wrong .

On further inquiry it flashed to me : sunil is not well there I mean he didn’t got a good university admission and will be treated as alien as his visa is going to end in 1 years times he is doing some odd jobs just to sustain his lively hood, his relatives who flash bisleri bottles when down here in India during navratri are now a complete strangers as it happens they are demanding $ for his stay at their place .

So now bruised by the downtown culture and harassed by the lender his family and himself are in danger.

Some how 7 months time got by and later by intervention of an organization sunil came back and when he was back he was a changed man.

He was addicted to booze and a total radical freak , I mean his case was like pathetic bozo he kept on demanding money from his parents for some reasons and they were helpless, he was into drugs and was a more vagabond and a womanizer than ever.

Sunil was suppose to do his advance specialization there, and get a job and sustain his parental needs , but now he is a addicted to one night stands , drugs, booze and a lot of things which a 25 year old is always warned off by their parents and clear headed people .

So what went wrong the whole trip, the calculation of dependence on relatives, the mere issues of making big mullah just crashed a life of a person , his parents are in debt of more than 30Lacs now , his dad and mom are taking on odd jobs, life just scattered.

Some days later a rather tired looking sunil again shows up on the stairs this time it’s a visa to Nigeria for some Oil company to work there for some times ..

Dilip is seen gleaming around and also flashing a visa now and so is ramesh patel and bhailu shah

God I think I am lost now

Urge to break free

2008-04-24T19:26:00.004Z

as the time ticks away i see that the simple invasion of the television is not so catchy after all .. same old crap i mean turn over to a news channel what do u get ?

1> a killed B and C in involved

2> c is sister of A

3> a and B are married

4> the whole lot of repetition of the same occurrence with a freaky camera man and a pesky lady repeating the same over and over again !!! as if she is made to do / she just got her first national break !!! and she accidentally flushed the dialog and so she is trying to hog the prime time of the bonkers like us by repeating the same lines again and again and again and again and again and again and again and ....

5> turn to other channel u see the crying and unfaithful or say a simple-ton lady again crying for something or a intimate scene with nothing!!welcome to soaps !!! the land where ever man is unfaithful every women is same and the whole society is shows shabby inside and modern outside i wonder how many simple ton females have a designer Saree or at lest a everyday makeup time or money to spend .. add to it Hindi movie songs and a bit of style and fashion .. and now wonder where is the story .. i mean just recall the day the soap started .. jolt down what happened to the main character ??? and see u might be drawing a chart as similar to the classification or evolution of mammals or say the aquatic life pyramidal i think or is that a star ???

6> except the informative channels rest is some what repetitive ( i admit i saw the making of a dam/tower/killing/kidnapping/fbi files/ufo etc many times ) but at lest i can make a make shift dam for the gutter from that information now ! or say i know where to hang out ??

7> sting operation : a undercover operation which goes smoothly as usual but there is a camera involved that makes u think if next time a guy or a gal offers u a lift or say an helping hand or some one asks u to get him or her in to a collage where merit list are out of their reach .. u should think twice .. other wise u will be on a BREAKING NEWS of any fast/sleek/unsophisticated desi-news channel.

8> Best part : the cookery show /the drink show/ aerobics / dance .... and so on i mean we all eat crap tastly food our cook / mom / self we always wonder where in the hell did they get such a wonderful idea and then wonder more as we gulp down cheap wines and the dal roti combo ... i wonder how many CHEF's see such programs because if the watch the program they might be kicked off duty !!! so its again a catch showing us that we always eat bad food even though u are 6 foot and healthy the cook shows that u eat calorie-filled-junk!!! the trainer shows how to exercise as she comes in a air-con car while we cramp for space in the local trains /bus (read avoiding harassments from perverts and the whole lot of dress peelers and the hooligans)and we finally do a 150 cal / min burn outs due to the hot train sauna bath !!! so where do we need a 1.5Lac sauna ??still we see them .....

9> market watchers : business channels is good as far i see because i don't understand them i just watch the gadgets / boats / alcohol serving manners ( so that i can fake them when i am with people) they say i am a bozo while drinks are served ..

11> jokes on news : we saw them in the shows but still we are served with all the strength with mis-matched captions and scrolled marquees its like a mayhem and a brand new kiddo is in control for the edition /broadcast at that time or say the rest of the people are sleeping or watching another channel at the news room !!

i wonder there might be many more idiotic stuffs going on i mean its KALYUG according to Sanskrit / learned men /self proclaimed not so learned men / freaky aunties ....here u don't see the right u just madly follow what is shown to you .. as to ask just answer a few questions that comes to my mind as below

1> if a kid falls in to a pit its a dam big story .. but if a kid dies of hunger where is the news ??

2> khali is supportingly a super champ according to the news channel ...later the same channel shows how WWF/WWE is a enacted stunts! do they show the neighborly goon who punched you friends face ??? and also can u still trust the same channel now who don't have any faintest clue of what they are depicting about??

3> if a star sneezes its a news but if a whole a city goes into the clutches of a flu its not important because it involves common man ! but still people watch the channels and pay absurd amount to see the channels barking blues and blacks with out any real tint of priority

any how thanks for reading i think i made my point as for now i am worst than channel .. go back to the miserable life eat a good meal of dal roti /get into train-sauna/ enter a bus /get bored in a well jammed roads and enjoy the 8:30 soap or the 9 pm news !!....

The re-vival

2008-04-23T17:17:00.003Z

dear friends thanks for all the reviews and the request as posted in my blog site form your ends and the endless emails that i am getting

so on your request i am going to post some write ups and a sneak peak of the book that i am working on ...

i am today going to make some notes and work on the project Blog ! :-)

warm regards

Re-surfaced

2007-09-16T17:07:00.000Z

More of me and may be some more to come....

****************
A lifetime ago
Seems like yesterday

My heart was well hidden
My emotions at stay
You entered my life
In a curious way

A lifetime ago, yesterday
A lifetime ago
Seems like yesterday

There were faces a glow
There were lovers at play
Time stood still
In a curious way

A lifetime ago, yesterday
Joys of the heart
Emotions so new
We spoke of forever
time shared with you

The touch of your hand
The holding of two
Sent me high in a dream
As I thought it did you

A lifetime ago, yesterday
A lifetime ago
Seems like yesterday

It came to my heart
On a day in way

You were leaving
You were going
You were walking away

A lifetime ago, Yesterday

*****************
One fine day, not so long ago.
The heavens in the sky opened up my eyes,
Then down you fell, landing safely by my side.
Hoping, that I would care for you.

"What should I do?" I asked myself...
"Why was I chosen to guard such a treasure?"
I knew at once what was expected of me,
So I opened my arms to let you through.

Then in you came, all safe and sound,
Here to stay with me forever.
Each night I thanked and praised the Lord
For showing me... love's true light.

Your trust you gave, along with love
And then we followed the path God made.
Through the hours, weeks, and months
We grew gradually towards each other.

Until one day, just out of the blue,
I was struck with something rather unpleasant.
My love for you was shadowed and covered,
But this must be part of God's holy plan.

So I let you go, and fall away
While deep inside my pain built up,
To the point that I just could not see.
This made my present love worth nothing at all.
'Cause all I thought of was... us before.

And then this love came to a close,
Bringing more broken pieces under me.
I had to be true to my heart and soul,
Which made my lost love... grow even more.

Oh, it's so hard for me to explain
How wrong I was that dreadful day.
Forever you've changed me, deep inside
And I can never express all you have given me.

I've always loved you; everyday
And always will, my whole life through.
I miss you so much, my one true love.
For you treated me like no one else before.

I want you more and more each day.
All those sweet words you gave to me.
Your life is a diamond, compared to mine
And I'll be saving forever for you.

Can't you see all you mean to me?
And all the love, you made me see?
For now I can only sit and wait.
Hoping... one day... you'll feel the same.
*************

here i am !!!

2007-09-14T02:12:00.001Z

I'm sitting here staring at a sky full of stars
Wondering where exactly you are
If you are thinking of me when you're out with friends
Or if you're out tying up all your lose ends
You tell me you love me and beg me not to leave
But when I'm alone, it's difficult to believe
In all the things you've said to me
Why is it you're too blind to see
I need you close to keep me from harm
But you look away and turn on your charm
I also was blind and didn't see your ways
Now tomorrow is bringing me a whole new day
To be the woman I know I can be
One day maybe you'll wake up and see

*********************

I would not be the sun to end your night,
Nor would I be the wall to turn you tears.
But I will watch with you until it’s light.

Because there are no words to set things right
Nor hope that that one immersed in mourning hears,
I would not be the sun to end you night,

Offering a wisdom far too bright
To soothe your pain or to rest your fears.
But I will watch with you until its light.

There must be time to grieve that sorrow might
Be equal to the love of days and years.
I would not be the sun to end your night.

For grief, before it breaks, must reach its height,
And tides must turn before one homeward steers.
But I will watch with you until its light.

There are agonies no friendship can requite,
A bitterness unstained till dawn appears.
I would not be the sun to end your night.
But I will watch with you until it’s light

this was my first ever poem to be online ......... for a friend...

reverse order of the incident

2007-07-10T11:35:00.001Z

Hi friends

how are you ? Yep its being really long since i arrived as a blog. one of the poet friend had asked me to publish something which is very personal to me .. the last poem, which i had wrote before plunging into the abyss of loneliness i.e the poem that i wrote for my dearest when she splitter form me for some unknown reason.

So here it is in its original format unedited version .. including the mail as the feeing anguish anger but still the blot of untamed love is overfilled its really a mess but if asked i will say its a bloodline poem in itself

To the person who is the most important in my life , I did had some strange thoughts when I got your mail and I started to wonder what life would be without you beside

Without you...

No longer will be the day when I travel to meet you
No longer will be the day when I stay hungry so that we both can eat together
No longer will be the day when I hid things which you don’t like
No longer will be the days when I don’t stare at girls just because I had you always beside
No longer will be the days when I think the best possible ways to show my affections to you
No longer will be the days when the good yellow flowers look pleasant and appealing to me
The clock will no longer be asked to stop by me
No longer will be the world around me having a color

Things that I ever wished like getting drenched in rain and all will be there
No longer I need to think about the rain water entering your home
No longer would I wade in waist deep waters just to see if there is any way to reach your home
No longer when the train stops I would dial you up just to make sure if its ok to get down and have your company to anywhere in this world
No longer would in need to worry about the things like money and all
No longer would I need to wonder if you like me red t shirt or the black one
No longer I need to work really hard to make some money to spend on us
No longer would I need a shoulder to put my head on when I am alone and the world seem to come on me from all the side
No longer will I think about any one who is so dear that I travel so much to get a glimpse of
No longer would I wonder for happiness any more as sadness will greet me always

The silence of night would be more than anything all around me
The stars which I gazed on will be just twinkling lights
No longer will I think about things which once concerned me and you
No longer a togetherness in just silence of loneliness
There wouldn’t be any dream just plain sleep no thing inspiring to me
No longer gazing on your eye lashes when you look other side
No longer gazing on your tender lips when you talk or smile
No longer gazing on to your face when you are not looking
No longer will those brown eyes be bewitching on me with spark of life
No longer will poems be happy

But sure no longer will there be anything to write
As I had gathered courage to live but I didn’t had anyone to company
All the roads were filled with sadness as happiness seem to be lost
All the ways were lonely
Some where deep I had you always me and beside me always now…
Some where lost in the night is the fragrance of your

No longer would I live a life of longing
No longer will I hide my pains from you just that you don’t get mad over it
No longer will my name and pride be there to be saved just because you where there
No longer would we fight on pretty matter
No longer would we talk on the stairs as we overlook the city
No longer would I feel like raising my arms wide when it rains just to feel the rain drenching the lifeless body of mine
No longer would I feel pain
No longer would music be so vibrant that each note makes me got wild to dance even though I knew I can’t dance
No longer waiting for a eternity for tiny email a short call on the phone etc
No longer would the goals of my life be having you beside
No longer would I make speeches to say about you as my inspiration when I get awards
No longer would I be known as what i am,
No longer...

“See things would take time for me to adjust give me some time to reborn and get my life out of this trance world I created around me evolving you and me in it

No longer I would curl up in the sheets at night just to feel your warmth
No longer would I sleep ever cause in dreams it would me and you that never lasted

No longer would I think about things that happened
Because you left me alone on the cross road of my life when I needed you the most …
Some where deep in me a fresh wound has been created by you … and I swear it will never heal my dear I wont heal May be you shouldn’t have ever came to my life May be I shouldn’t have loved any one as I did, to you May be I was always wrong and you always,May be I had you once in for all May be I die in your arms for once Rather than dying each second always”

warm regards
tanuj
-------------------------------

Ok as you all wished

2007-06-30T16:25:00.000Z

dear blog readers as per your request i am going to post up the daily log to demonstrate the actual things that happend in my life shortly ago ...

it revolves around a girl a helpless guy .. some friends and lots and lots of tears shedding from both the sides

will soon post them it little daily blogs ...

regards
tanuj

part 2

2007-06-01T07:09:00.000Z

for eternity

You touch my soul like no one else,
ripping and tearing through my exterior
revealing my true self.

You have me where I wake up
and you're the first thing on my mind,
staring aimlessly at my bedroom ceiling
time torturing me
as it slowly passes by.

Really though, what is it that you do to me?
... always comprehend.
You boggle my mind in countless ways.
The complexity of your whole essence
puts me in a helpless daze.

And I never felt the wind so cold.
I never knew what it was like
to walk alone.

The sun doesn't shine as bright
as I thought it to be.
The darkness of night
brings an overwhelming cold feeling
inside of me.

I never experienced these feelings
until you were gone.
My eyes still wide open
but what I saw
... it felt all wrong

For no longer could I see
the radiant glow in your eyes,
that brightens your beautiful face
shining everywhere, the sun can't shine.

The simple smile you present
that makes me melt where I stand,
Your guiding warm, gentle hands
healing my wounded soul
over and over again...

The tranquility and calmness of your voice,
that could stir silent every endless wave in the ocean
without force

But most of all, it's your heart,
undoubtably one I've never seen.
It's a blessing from heaven above.
I prayed to God,
one day he'd show me.

... hesitate, but unable to push away the inevitable...

It's time to move on,
this road has come to an end.
I know we should walk away.
Please, we can't look over our shoulders at each other
... once again.

In life you come across
a diverse group of individuals,
some that last a short moment
but others that stay and keep you.

The precise second you walked into my life
it changed dramatically.
You revived the flame inside of me
I thought had been put out
... for eternity.

Return of the leprechaun

2007-06-01T07:05:00.000Z

Ok friends i am back this time with some real flavors of poems

read on and enzoyyyyyyy

1> Gone to soon

You're packing your bags
getting ready to leave again.
This scene should become familiar
because if I want you
then this is how it'll be.
Saying goodbye hasn't gotten any easier.
Sometimes when it hurts so bad
the tears don't show,
but then other times
I can't stop the flow.
I pray every time you leave,
hoping you're thinking of me.
The days seem so long;
I need to be strong.
I hope when you come back
I'll still be the one.
You're everything I need and want.
You filled my emptiness,
and released my pain.
The next time you leave
will be the new start.
It all seems so scary,
so many doubts and fears;
all these unanswered questions.
I wish you knew how bad this hurts.
You'll come back and see me,
but once again you'll have to go.
Every night I'll dream a different dream,
You reaching out to hold me close...
pulling me tighter to give me a kiss...
sleeping at night with you next to me...
waking up and knowing you're still there.
Every minute I spend with you,
will be worth the time I've missed out on.

wish!

2007-05-05T16:32:00.002Z

Nightmares come in my sleep,
a nightmare like no other.
I reach out for you to hold me,
only to find my nightmare has come true.
This nightmare is my life, my reality.
I hold your pillow tightly,
gently rocking back to sleep.
In the dark of the night
I pray that when I awake,
that this reality of my life
will be only that...
a nightmare.

Why can't I just wake up?

2007-05-05T16:32:00.001Z

It all seems like a nightmare
Hoping you'll just wake up
Hoping everything will be better.
But living the life that hurts
Is only in dreams
You're not supposed to feel sad in real life.
That's why it's a nightmare
Too bad I know it's reality.
Why can't I just wake up?

Darkness around me

2007-05-05T16:30:00.001Z

Darkness is here,
Darkness is all around.
I miss my true first love,
To whom I'm always bound.

Hell has come to earth,
And made it mighty hot.
Does she love me?
Or does she love me not?

I feel so confused,
My life's a question mark.
I'm left to roam this world,
But it sure is mighty dark.

I'm lost in this life,
It all is coming down.
I wish it was only a dream,
But darkness is all around.

tears of night

2007-05-05T16:28:00.000Z

When you walked away
I thought I couldn’t make it through
I thought my life was over
I couldn’t stand to be without you

There were nights I couldn’t speak
Nights where all I’d do was cry
There were times it took all my strength to go on
I never knew I could be this strong

I wanna go back to the times
Our love was pure and innocent
Say you love me for the last time
So my broken heart can mend

Say it even if it’s not true
So that I can go on without you
Take me back to where we were just friends
Before this love affair began

Look deep within my eyes
And gently kiss my cheek
Slowly walk away from me
As I cry my last tear

--------------

The life..

2007-04-18T17:13:00.000Z

The tears of eternity has be spilled over again ,
The sorrows of the heart is poured and is raising.
The lips are gone dry with the longing,
As I wander alone in this world.

Under the Tuscan yet setting sun,
The emptiness in mirror seems to be made for it.
The sky seems to be made to be numb,
The horizon seems to be lost in its own limitations .

The chaotic urge of living is,
subsided with the tenure of loss.
The more I want to make things out
nothing more it seems indeed

As Packets of hope lays haphazardly around
The river of senses seems to be still and placid as it could be
The wind with the coldness blows me apart
The time in ages seems to be waiting to invaded

Standing still is the existence in its own tanned reflection
Without the values of the life shattered in its own sense
Yet holding on within is the life with you in it
The eyes that I lost is what I dreamed of

The life is what I dream of with in.

There was

2007-04-15T06:42:00.001Z

There was a time when i was lost,
lost in the hands of my distant love,
lost in the carelessness of others,
the selfishness within me,

There was a time when i was lost,
until one night- i seemed not lost,
but in a deep gaze in someones eyes,
someone whom i did not know,
though i found myself with someone who, as i,
swore never to love again.....

There was a time when i was lost

far away

2007-04-15T06:40:00.001Z

I have questions...
To afraid to ask them,
I don't want to know the answers.
What I feel is weak,
Strength makes me tremble.

I have questions...
Nobody will answer them,
Unwritten law forbids it.
What I crave is lost,
When I find it, I'm addicted.

I have questions...
Try to answer them alone,
And failing, crumble.
What I need is distant,
The gap be reached?

I have questions...
You are the answer,
You make me weak.
It's you I crave,
But you're so far away.

I hear...........you

2007-04-15T06:31:00.000Z

You're standing there
a smirk on your face
pretending you don't care

You think you know,
but you don't know what I know...
what I know about you

Your silence speaks louder than words
you don't speak but you can be heard
I hear your words.....

You're sitting there
hands on your face
too tired to care

what you haven't said is clear

You're silence speaks to me now
sharing your words
quiet and still
I hear...........your words.

Love lost

2007-04-06T05:25:00.001Z

I knew this moment would come in time;
That I would have to let go of you.
But there is no right way to say goodbye.
With every tear I cry, my face turns blue.

Don’t forget me and hang me on the rack.
I’ll be praying for whatever it’s worth.
I’ll be waiting for you to come back.
I’ll be waiting at the edge of the earth,

For you to come for me and pick me up
Off of the earth and take me to the sun
To be with you forever up above-
Until then my journey will not be done.

Traveling to the end of the earth,
And by the time I’m there,
You’ll be there too, friend.

Its...

2007-04-06T05:24:00.002Z

it's always...
a pain for me to suffer,
a wound for me to heal,
a heartache for me to remember,
a love that always fails!

where can i find a love that's true?
when can i feel a touch from you?
how can i know that it is you,
the one who will love me,
until time is through!

To be loved

2007-04-06T05:24:00.001Z

To love and be loved from heaven above,
As my journey through life shall pass,
Is the wish of us all - to stand and not fall,
But to live it and breathe it - the die is but cast.

To meet and to love her - for me there's no other,
She's unique in this world - it is true,
And to touch her and kiss... those lips are but bliss,
A magical realm with its magical view.

I was loved in return - my love was not spurned,
The world with its splendor and life did avail,
And to love long and live - to this beauty I give,
My heart and my soul and my love that did fail.

But dying am I... and with memories I cry,
Now beauty elusive is just out of site,
But in love were we two... and for all that I knew,
Was heaven I glimpsed in her eyes... that first night

She

2007-04-06T05:20:00.002Z

She cannot take this jouney more
She cannot walk this trail
She's given up- she can't go on
She did her best, but failed

Her feet are swollen, scratched and bruised
Her arms are limp and weary,
Her body's given up on her,
Her eyes are wet and teary.

Why does she lack the strength she needs
To make it to the end?
The pain's too much for her to bear,
She wishes to ascend.

So easy just to end it now,
To rise above it all,
The memories of his actions crushed,
Her body left to fall.

She

2007-04-06T05:20:00.001Z

Nothing is as it seems

2007-03-29T16:48:00.000Z

Night falls in the wooded valley
The moon rising high above the tree tops
As a primitive soul removes himself from the shadows
Searching the dark clouds of within
Searching for that which is not his own

In a scared and broken past
Pushing forward through the pain
Probing the void of his mind
Trying to see what can't be seen
Trying to know what can't be known

Finding the path through the mist of hell
Not knowing nor caring where it leads
Yet it needs to be followed
As it needs to be believed
That an end exists

When pain is all his mind can know
And hate is all his eyes can see
Never will the evil cease
Nor will he become it
For love's a distant memory

Fighting the fear
Confronting the pain
Sealing the doors
The gateway to his soul
Never to be reopened

The past is put within its place
Back where it belongs
Never will the fear return
Never will the pain be real
Nothing is as it seems

Someday

2007-03-29T16:46:00.000Z

One fine day, not so long ago.
The heavens in the sky opened up my eyes,
Then down you fell, landing safely by my side.
Hoping, that I would care for you.

"What should I do?" I asked myself...
"Why was I chosen to guard such a treasure?"
I knew at once what was expected of me,
So I opened my arms to let you through.

Then in you came, all safe and sound,
Here to stay with me forever.
Each night I thanked and praised the Lord
For showing me... love's true light.

Your trust you gave, along with love
And then we followed the path God made.
Through the hours, weeks, and months
We grew gradually towards each other.

Until one day, just out of the blue,
I was struck with something rather unpleasant.
My love for you was shadowed and covered,
But this must be part of God's holy plan.

So I let you go, and fall away
While deep inside my pain built up,
To the point that I just could not see.
This made my present love worth nothing at all.
'Cause all I thought of was... us before.

And then this love came to a close,
Bringing more broken pieces under me.
I had to be true to my heart and soul,
Which made my lost love... grow even more.

Oh, it's so hard for me to explain
How wrong I was that dreadful day.
Forever you've changed me, deep inside
And I can never express all you have given me.

I've always loved you; everyday
And always will, my whole life through.
I miss you so much, my one true love.
For you treated me like no one else before.

I want you more and more each day.
All those sweet words you gave to me.
Your life is a diamond, compared to mine
And I'll be saving forever for you.

Can't you see all you mean to me?
And all the love, you made me see?
For now I can only sit and wait.
Hoping... one day... you'll feel the same.

Tears of the Leprechaun

2007-03-29T16:37:00.000Z

a fallen tear
a missed word
without trust
without explanation...
without you...
I'm fading in this world
I dont find me in crowd
i get lost in you
a tear of a leperchaun to a beloved...

Something personal

2007-03-28T17:11:00.000Z

The last poem, which i had wrote for my beloved before plunging into the abyss of loneliness i.e the poem that i wrote for my dearest when she split-ed form me for some unknown reason.

So here it is in its original format unedited version .. the mail as the feeing is mixed anguish and anger yet the blot of untamed love is overfilled. Its really a mess but if asked i will say its a bloodline poem in itself

To the person who is the most important in my life , I did had some strange thoughts when I got your mail and I started to wonder what life would be without you beside

Without you...

No longer will be the day when I travel to meet you

No longer will be the day when I stay hungry so that we both can eat together

No longer will be the day when I hid things which you don’t like

No longer will be the days when I don’t stare at girls just because I had you always beside

No longer will be the days when I think the best possible ways to show my affections to you

No longer will be the days when the good yellow flowers look pleasant and appealing to me

The clock will no longer be asked to stop by me

No longer will be the world around me having a color

Things that I ever wished like getting drenched in rain and all will be there

No longer I need to think about the rain water entering your home

No longer would I wade in waist deep waters just to see if there is any way to reach your home

No longer when the train stops I would dial you up just to make sure if its ok to get down and have your company to anywhere in this world

No longer would in need to worry about the things like money and all

No longer would I need to wonder if you like me red t shirt or the black one

No longer I need to work really hard to make some money to spend on us

No longer would I need a shoulder to put my head on when I am alone and the world seem to come on me from all the side

No longer will I think about any one who is so dear that I travel so much to get a glimpse of

No longer would I wonder for happiness any more as sadness will greet me always

The silence of night would be more than anything all around me

The stars which I gazed on will be just twinkling lights

No longer will I think about things which once concerned me and you

No longer a togetherness in just silence of loneliness

There wouldn’t be any dream just plain sleep no thing inspiring to me

No longer gazing on your eye lashes when you look other side

No longer gazing on your tender lips when you talk or smile

No longer gazing on to your face when you are not looking

No longer will those brown eyes be bewitching on me with spark of life

No longer will poems be happy

But sure no longer will there be anything to write

As I had gathered courage to live but I didn’t had anyone to company

All the roads were filled with sadness as happiness seem to be lost

All the ways were lonely

Some where deep I had you always me and beside me always now…

Some where lost in the night is the fragrance of your

No longer would I live a life of longing

No longer will I hide my pains from you just that you don’t get mad over it

No longer will my name and pride be there to be saved just because you where there

No longer would we fight on pretty matter

No longer would we talk on the stairs as we overlook the city

No longer would I feel like raising my arms wide when it rains just to feel the rain drenching the lifeless body of mine

No longer would I feel pain

No longer would music be so vibrant that each note makes me got wild to dance even though I knew I can’t dance

No longer waiting for a eternity for tiny email a short call on the phone etc

No longer would the goals of my life be having you beside

No longer would I make speeches to say about you as my inspiration when I get awards

No longer would I be known as what i am,

No longer...

“See things would take time for me to adjust give me some time to reborn and get my life out of this trance world I created around me evolving you and me in it

No longer I would curl up in the sheets at night just to feel your warmth

No longer would I sleep ever cause in dreams it would me and you that never lasted

No longer would I think about things that happened

Because you left me alone on the cross road of my life when I needed you the most …

Some where deep in me a fresh wound has been created by you … and I swear it will never heal my dear I wont heal May be you shouldn’t have ever came to my life May be I shouldn’t have loved any one as I did, to you May be I was always wrong and you always,May be I had you once in for all May be I die in your arms for once Rather than dying each second always”

warm regards

Life as it seems to me

2007-03-24T11:05:00.000Z

To save a broken heart
from bleeding dry and turning cold!

slowly my heart dies
cuz of all the whispers and the lies...

I wanna feel your breathe, hear your voice surround me...
I want you to let me know that it's okay for us to be
I've dreamed too many years
You weren't here to see my tears
But I, I have to let you know...

Loneliness leaves
A stain on my heart...
My soul is torn
But not ripped apart

Hoping for a hole
In this wall that I make,
So that maybe through it
Some light can penetrate...

"Its a curse to live a paranormal life, pain, sufferings goes hand in hand no ends...

One day u manage to get a friend and when u get one you live a life in-between two worlds

... beyond unexplainable beyond the horizon beyond the life itself...

Truth of life

2007-03-21T14:52:00.000Z

My heart sees not the limitations of a past love.
Nor does it speak of the raging tranquility of contentment.
My heart loves what it sees through it's own eyes.
peaks to the hearts of others through my beating chest,
and professes love only seen in the dreams of the most heavenly angels.

My heart knows nothing else of love but to love
unconditionally and without regret or regard to the
body surrounding it. My heart's eyes see not only the outer
but also the inner beauty of the souls it observes.

My mind must cope with the uncopeable, feel in the
numbness of sleep, hear in the deafening sound of my
beating chambers, and see through the fog put in place
by my heart to cloud it's judgment.

Love has never been loathed by my heart or mind, but
has always been a constant reminder of life passing
just fast enough to seem so far away yet be just out of reach.

here i am

2007-03-21T11:04:00.000Z

ok this is the first post so its short and sweet..

lets hope to get a elaborated posting form tomorrow